Grasping at air.

One of my long term frustrations with my practice has been something I’ve never quite been able to explain in a manner that would get a response that is even remotely useful to me.

I feel like there’s something missing. Not so much a lack of depth but rather that there is a goal I am meant to be working towards that I never quite can reach because I haven’t the faintest idea where to start. It’s like reaching out blindly and ending up grasping at air rather than something solid and definable. It’s so dark that there’s not even hints of something being nearby, even though you know logically that there is.

So I keep at it. I go on exploring any little tugs at the edge of my mind as best I can. I’ll catch myself staring at my altar trying to figure out how the individual elements are supposed to fit together into a greater whole. I go on trying not to just throw in the towel in a fit of frustration regularly every so often. I dive into anything that truly catches my attention in the hope that the gap gets filled…

There’s something missing still.


2 thoughts on “Grasping at air.

  1. Oh man. I have felt like this since I was 13. I still feel this way. I guess we just keep following the breadcrumbs until we find it?

    1. I am so sorry I didn’t see this sooner.

      I guess that’s exactly what we do. Follow the crumbs and hope to hell they lead somewhere useful.

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